Plot twist: Only tumblr users survive the apocalypse because we were too lazy to go outside to see what was going on.
Second plot twist: We don’t realize everyone else is gone until we run out of food. We don’t really care until all the Nutella is gone.
Third plot twist: We finally all meet up because we have to repopulate the world.
Fourth plot twist: Everyone on tumblr actually gets laid.
- me: (out shopping, looking all fly with my Marvel comics tote bag featuring several characters)
- dude: nice bag.
- me: thanks. (keeps on shopping)
- dude: do you even know who all those characters are?
- me: uh... yeah?
- dude: ok then, who's that guy? (points at a character on the bag)
- me: wait, are you asking me to prove that I'm enough of a fan enough to carry this bag?
- dude: (smirks) that's what I thought. He's called the Silver Surfer. I bet you don't even know his real name.
- me: does it matter? (starts to edge away before I start punching throats)
- dude: psh, you're not a real fan.
- me: (slowly unsheathing my Wolverine claws)
- me: how many pairs of chromosomes do humans contain in their cells?
- dude: uh... what?
- me: explain the function of cellular mitosis?
- me: what is the purpose of myelin sheath with regards to the formation of new neural pathways?
- dude: what are you even talking about?
- me: oh, well it seemed that you were implying that if I don't know as much about the Marvel universe as you do, then I can't possibly be considered a real fan. This is me implying that because you don't know as much about the human body as I do, you can't possibly be considered a real human being.
- dude: Um, I... wow. You're right. Have a nice day. (starts to shuffle away)
- me: his name is Norrin Radd.
- dude: (looks extremely embarrassed)
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
- Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.
- Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
- Doctor: Denise.
- Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?
- Doctor: Denephew